Ask a Witch is StyleCaster’s recommendation column providing sage recommendation and sensible magic for contemporary issues. Each Friday, our resident witch Roya Backlund will reply your most weak conundrums via the lens of astrology, Tarot, and spirituality. Submit inquiries to askawitch@stylecaster.com, alongside along with your beginning data—date, time, and site—in addition to beginning data for different events concerned, if in case you have it. Hex what vexes you: Ask a Witch.
Expensive Roya,
I professed my like to somebody, however he doesn’t reciprocate my emotions. He tells me he loves me to items, however he’s not “in love” with me. At one level, he even mentioned, “I don’t wish to be your boyfriend. I don’t wish to be simply pals. I wish to be your finest pal.” Although his coronary heart isn’t on the identical web page as mine, I can’t cease interested by him and the way magical we could possibly be collectively. For the sake of readability, let’s name him MK.
MK was there for me after I bought out of a 10-year relationship with my ex in October 2022. He was supportive and helped me navigate that transitional section of my life. Via one in all MK’s pals, I used to be capable of finding a spot to reside throughout the nation that was inside my funds and positioned close to my work. The celebrities really aligned, and in December 2022, I formally made the transfer. I used to be past excited. I used to be even residing close to MK.
Quick-forward six months, and MK buys a home on the other aspect of the nation. He spends half the time right here and half the time there. However I really feel like all time he reaches out to spend time with me, I’m the final choice on his record, as if he has nothing higher to do. For somebody he calls his finest pal, it doesn’t add up.
My emotions for him have been so sturdy that I as soon as learn his diary simply to see if he considered me the best way I considered him. I wasn’t even talked about as soon as, but I nonetheless preserve chasing. I really feel like I observe MK round like a misplaced pet. I instantly confessed to invading his privateness, and he thanked me for being trustworthy with him, saying I’m the one particular person he precise felt snug with studying his diary. Listening to that come from a Scorpio despatched me over the moon.
I’ve tried courting different males over the past yr and a half, however I all the time find yourself hitting some main roadblock. I can’t assist however assume it’s as a result of I’m hung up on MK. Though MK and I’ve by no means had intercourse with one another, we got here shut as soon as early on, and I feel I’ve developed an obsession with him due to that.
However in March 2024, he abruptly stopped speaking to me. We went from texting one another daily to chilly turkey silence. I’ve put myself via hell questioning what I did mistaken. After I made a number of makes an attempt to name him, unfold out over a pair weeks, he lastly texted again: “Sorry I’ve been MIA, I’m simply taking time to consider issues.” As of now, it’s been six weeks since we final spoke to one another correctly.
On April 1—the day Mercury went retrograde—my library maintain for the guide Codependent No Extra by Melody Beattie turned accessible. And after studying a number of chapters, I made a decision to dam MK on April 11. With him blocked, I now not needed to endure via the anxiousness of questioning when he’d lastly attain again out. (Admittedly, I knew he wouldn’t—he often admits he’s avoidant.)
Nonetheless, on April 8—the day of the overall photo voltaic eclipse—I visited household in Indiana, as their home was within the path of totality. Utterly out of the blue, my ex confirmed up asking if he may park his RV at their place since he’d had a last-minute change of plans. On condition that he lives a number of states away, having him present up was the final factor I ever anticipated to occur. I hadn’t seen him in over a yr. As a result of once-in-a-lifetime nature of the eclipse, my household and I agreed. I’m nonetheless gobsmacked this occurred, however I’ll say it felt like closure.
I nonetheless have emotions for MK, however is there a motive my ex reappeared in my life at such a well timed second? And though I blocked MK, I nonetheless really feel uncertain of the choice. Ought to I go away the road open for potential communication? I really feel like finally he’ll come round.
Sincerely,
Hopelessly Hopeful
Expensive Hopelessly Hopeful,
What’s most fascinating about your state of affairs is you appear properly conscious of the truth that he doesn’t reciprocate your emotions. And but, you stay invested in him, ready for an indication that he’ll sooner or later understand you’re meant to be collectively. Your state of affairs jogs my memory of a poem by Charles Bukowski: “There’s a place within the coronary heart that can by no means be crammed / and we’ll wait / and wait / in that area.” You’re looking for a love that can go away you feeling entire, however the particular person you’re hoping will full you is deeply emotionally unavailable. You’re ready for this man to fill a void, however it’s the ready that continues to stretch the dimensions of that void, making it greater and greater till it’s the dimensions of an historic crater. The longer you don’t obtain a response, the extra empty that void feels.
When you’re the one left with the anxiousness of being ghosted, he’s been receiving the advantages of getting you round with out having to commit. I preserve rereading his phrases and scratching my head: “I don’t wish to be your boyfriend. I don’t wish to be simply pals. I wish to be your finest pal.” This assertion is deliberately complicated, as he appears to be rejecting you and providing you with hope on the identical time. He says he doesn’t wish to be your boyfriend, however the best way he says “finest pal” virtually makes it sound like what he feels towards you is even deeper than merely wanting up to now you. It dangles the carrot of affection above you. It additionally places him able to obtain your love, however protects him from having to maintain any guarantees to you. In any case, he can all the time say, “I did inform you I didn’t wish to be your boyfriend.”
I do know you will have emotions for this man, however I don’t assume any of his actions listed below are admirable. The truth that he isn’t in love with you doesn’t make his habits poisonous—it’s the truth that he isn’t even pal to you that makes it so gross. This entire state of affairs is de facto handy for him, as a result of he is aware of you will have sturdy emotions for him, and but, he continued to take advantage of these emotions over a protracted time period. You learn his diary, and as a substitute of seeing that as a significant purple flag that you just’ve shaped an attachment to him, he nurtures your attachment and actively encourages it, figuring out he doesn’t really feel the identical method about you. This isn’t an indication that he feels deeply towards you. It’s an indication that he doesn’t really care about you. If he was chatting with you daily for over a yr after which immediately stopped, it’s as a result of he discovered a brand new supply of emotional validation. I do know this sounds harsh, however he was speaking to you daily as a result of was getting one thing out of it, and as soon as he discovered another person to present it to him, he misplaced his want for you.
Earlier than we get into why you’re so invested in somebody who clearly doesn’t care about you, let’s speak about MK and what his issues are (as a result of he has many). His solar, Mercury, Mars, and Pluto are all in Scorpio, located in his fifth home of affection and pleasure. Scorpio is a extremely delicate zodiac signal that craves connection simply as a lot because it feels repulsed by it. Scorpio needs to merge and turn into intimate, but it surely additionally feels scared of shedding management and giving another person the higher hand. And with all these planets in his romantic fifth home, this power manifests in MK’s love life greater than wherever else. Scorpios need somebody to care about them, however they have an inclination to wish to be the one in energy—the one who dominates the state of affairs. I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s bought a protracted record of potential lovers, as he feeds off infatuation and emotional involvement. Nonetheless, he’s all the time looking out for a greater choice, as he was born with a Venus-Saturn conjunction in his seventh home of partnerships. (Study extra in regards to the 12 astrological homes.)
MK claims he’s avoidant, which can be shocking to you, because the overwhelming majority of his beginning chart is made up of emotional water indicators and constant earth indicators. Nonetheless, there’s one factor lacking—fireplace. He has no placements in Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius in any way. In astrology, fireplace is the aspect of motion, ardour, and self-expression. With no fireplace in his chart, it’s very troublesome for him to tug his feelings out of his physique and put them on the market for the world to see. He retains his playing cards near his chest, as his lack of fireplace could make it troublesome for him to be brave. And if there’s one factor that love requires, it’s braveness. With a view to discover love, it’s essential be keen to take a danger a method or one other. He neither had the braveness to respectfully minimize you off while you have been clearly turning into too hooked up to him nor the braveness to be trustworthy about how he actually feels. His avoidant habits is a manifestation of his lack of fireplace, which is one thing you desperately want to be able to reside a fulfilled life.
You see, you might be made of fireplace. You’re a Sagittarius rising at 29 levels—the “fame” diploma—which primarily means your life is a strong and chaotic expression of adventurous, philosophical, and truth-seeking Sagittarius power. Not solely that, however your beginning chart can be dominated by your Jupiter in Aries within the fifth home of romance and creativity. Mainly, you’re a fire-breathing dragon, and also you’re looking for love in somebody who doesn’t even consider dragons exist. You’ve all this ardour and depth guiding you thru your life, and MK does every thing he can to keep away from these extremes. You retain “chasing” him, however he can’t even start even to grasp you and all that you just’re able to. Your natal Mars in Most cancers types an precise conjunction to his natal Most cancers moon. This synastry completely signifies that you’re hungry for him—that you just see him because the be-all, end-all. Nonetheless, what your Mars placement needs will make you’re feeling victorious, however not essentially fulfilled. Your hope that MK will sooner or later love you again is an try and show to your self that you’re worthy of affection. If he reciprocated your emotions, it could solely offer you a false sense of confidence—it gained’t really make you cheerful. (Study extra about how your Mars signal takes motion.)
The actual fact is, MK doesn’t care to see you clearly, neither is he planning to make you a extra public function of his life. Your natal Gemini solar and Venus are each sitting in his twelfth home of spirituality and hidden energies, which suggests you’re feeling him utterly, however he has no plans to solidify your relationship or take it to the following stage. For over a yr, he benefited from having somebody who was emotionally accessible to him—somebody he could possibly be open with and obtain validation from. In actual fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if he actually had his sights set on another person all alongside, because the twelfth home of additionally the place affairs reside and breathe. You have been his secret emotional assist buddy, and since speaking to you made him really feel good, he allowed you to proceed having hope that possibly sooner or later, you’d flip into one thing extra. And as quickly as he now not wanted that assist, his power towards you utterly evaporated. Do I even have to say you deserve higher than this egocentric Scorpio man? I hope not.
Let’s be actual—being by yourself has by no means been straightforward for you. In any case, you have been born along with your natal Saturn—planet of karma and limitations—in your first home of the self. Saturn is a planet that locations strain on no matter it touches, forcing you to simply accept restrictions and embrace delayed gratification. With Saturn in your first home, you might be, in some ways, a little bit of a late bloomer. You’re in all probability extraordinarily crucial of your self, as Saturn expects perfection and isn’t fairly glad. Accepting your self for who you might be has taken time, and it could even be a lifelong journey. Nonetheless, this placement can be extremely particular, because it signifies your finest years are nonetheless forward of you. And as soon as you start to grasp the fantastic thing about being unbiased—of studying methods to full your self somewhat than await another person to fill that void—you’ll embrace a energy of self that can help you really conquer the world. It can diminish your concern for folks, like MK, who do nothing however siphon your power for their very own profit. Don’t despair. Saturn-influenced folks age like nice wine, and so will the love in your coronary heart. (Study extra about your Saturn placement.)
Level clean—no, you shouldn’t unblock him. Completely not. If he does come again round, it is going to solely be as a result of issues aren’t understanding with the brand new particular person he’s specializing in. And sure, I can virtually guarantee you he’s specializing in another person proper now. This man wants emotional validation like oxygen, and the one motive he ghosted you is as a result of he’s getting his provide some place else. Don’t give him the satisfaction of being accessible as quickly as he wants you. It can merely bolster his ego and cut back the extent of respect he has for you. Why would you need somebody who thinks of you as an choice while you need to be their precedence? There are deeper causes you’re so targeted on this man, as deep down, you’re feeling that if you happen to can persuade him to like you, then possibly you’ll lastly be capable of love you. And I promise, you don’t want anybody’s permission to like your self, least of all an avoidant Scorpio man who can’t even start to understand how magnificent you might be. Let him sweat when he lastly does attain again out to you and he receives no response. Let him take into consideration what he missed out on by overlooking you. Let the tables be turned as you are taking your energy again and go away him to cope with his issues on his personal.
About your ex reappearing in your life on an eclipse—you’re proper to seek out that important. On April 8, the overall photo voltaic eclipse in Aries landed only one diploma away out of your North Node of Future. This has activated a brand new chapter in your life, and it’ll seemingly should do with love, as your North Node is located in your fifth home of affection and romance. Whereas I don’t know in case your reunion along with your ex will quantity to the love you’re looking for, I do consider he arrived to remind you of what love can appear like. You’ve been starved of true affection for therefore lengthy, as you’ve been setting your sights on an emotionally unavailable man who’s strung you alongside for over a yr. And along with your ex again within the image, you’re remembering what it was prefer to be with somebody who reciprocated your emotions. In any case, Mercury was additionally retrograde on the time, which causes unfinished enterprise to resurface, permitting you to tie up free ends.
Within the grand scheme of issues, MK was by no means actually that necessary of a determine in your life. However I do consider he was right here to disclose deep-seated points in the best way you respect your self and defend your power. Your relationship with MK was a studying expertise meant to information you again in your path towards self-actualization and therapeutic. You’re already properly in your method. So no matter you do, don’t look again.
About Roya
Roya Backlund is StyleCaster’s Senior Way of life & Astrology Editor and knowledgeable witch. Born in Los Angeles on Could 26—the identical day as Stevie Nicks—she’s been obsessive about the zodiac since she found she was a Gemini as a toddler. Her curiosity in mysteries and the occult started within the metaphysical part at her native Borders. In the event you’re a fan of astrology, spirituality, and witchcraft, you’ve in all probability learn her horoscopes and life-style articles, which have appeared elsewhere in Elite Every day, PopSugar, Astrology.com, and extra. Whether or not you wish to delve deeper into your beginning chart or interpret indicators out of your spirit guides, Roya’s bought you coated.
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